My Relationship Tips #1

Can't believe I'm actually writing about being in a relationship tips. Don't get me wrong, I ain't any expert but the things that I'm going to highlight are just my two cents, mostly learned through experience. I have been in relationships, some good some bad. My current relationship with Kingsley is so far the best, I would say. I'll separate all the tips into several posts as I intend to go into minute details as well. 

The first thing couples need to learn is to COMMUNICATE. 

To me the most important element in a relationship is to communicate. Communicate doesn't mean merely talking to each other but it means letting your partner knows how you feel to enhance mutual understanding. But there are ways to communicate - you need to take into consideration the tone, words, and when to communicate. 

WHEN? For my boyfriend and I, we stick to the rule of communicating every day, even if we do not meet one another. Meaning, we should at least talk once a day and we wish each other "Good morning" and "Good night" every single day, even when we're seeing each other. I don't know how we have got accustomed to this habit. Do not forgo the need of talking - texting your partner by just wishing him/her a good day would really brighten up his/her day. 

WHAT? Communication isn't easy, especially when you do not know what to talk to your partner. But I feel if both of you were to become a couple, it is natural that you have endless of topics to share and discuss. BUT do not assume your partner is a psychological listener and you whine and complain everything to him/her. Complaining is the worst type of communication you should do - it simply means you are very negative and you're trying to emit all negativities to your partner which is very bad. You can share a little about your problems (probably a little into finding solutions) then go on to the good ones - you do not have a partner just to burden them with your problems. Jokes and teases (don't overly tease) are among the best things to share because it creates laughter and laughing together makes great moments and memories. 

TONE? Always maintain at a calm and carefree tone. If you could remain easygoing, especially when you think an argument is about to strike (for instance, during a heated discussion/debate), you would do yourself good by avoiding a potential fight. This is something I really like about my boyfriend, each time I thought he was about to get angry, he hit a joke and laughed himself which made me laughed too and we got away from arguing. DO NOT ever shout or increase your voice because that's when your partner thinks you're in for a fight. If you're really angry, keep silent and calm down before telling your partner about it then find ways to compromise. 

WHAT IF AN ARGUMENT HAS STRUCK? If you already happen to be in an argument and both of you are really angered or upset, don't mind being the first to speak up - it doesn't mean you're a loser, it simply implies you have better control over your emotions. This is the best time to explain (in a soft and respectful manner) to your partner about how you feel (your problems, what you find annoying, etc.). BUT do not interrupt (by counter-attacking) what your partner says and DO NOT attempt to win the debate - blocking what your partner has to say will only deteriorates the argument. LISTEN AND THINK. 

Most couples forgo minute things when they get comfortable with one another. For instance, people do not usually say "thank you" anymore to their partners after going through the so-called "stable" stage. Some might think partners should know and understand their appreciation and some would say "Aiya we understand each other so there is no need for thank you". To me, you say "thank you" to strangers and friends then why not to family or partner? It is the simplest token of appreciation, apart from other major things that you could do. 

Tell your partners how you truly feel about them, especially if it's something good. Let them know they look beautiful or if they have done something really well, be generous with praises. At times, even if you do not think they are good, assume that you're saying for the sake of saying. But it's so much better if you're really being honest and sincere. Praises are not meant to be traded (some people say it when they want to demand/request something) - they should also be a form of appreciation and a good relationship builder. 

All in all, always remember to say good things instead of bad. Everyone loves listening to sweet words and be around joyful emotions - it creates positivity that would make your relationship so much better. 

Book Review: Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother

The first book I decided to read after putting my reading habit on a hiatus was Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother. This was the book I had been aiming for when my dad told me about it. He said this book caused a lot of controversies as it touches some sensitive parenting issues. Let me give you a review about it. I finished it within THREE days (one of my fastest record). 

I think people who are most well-suited to read this book are MOTHERS with kids. Amy raised her daughters the very Chinese way (or at least that's what she thinks). She thought that there is a major distinctive difference in the parenting methods between Western and Chinese parents. Among the few examples that she highlighted include:

1. Chinese parents impose high expectations on their children - it is almost an unforgivable demeanor to get A-minus in your exam. If a child ever achieves anything below an A, the only reason this could happen is because he/she did not study hard enough. Westerners are totally different - they reward their kids even when they got B. 

2. Chinese parents often decide what they think are the best for their children. In Amy's case, she wanted her girls to play music instruments and despite people giving differing opinions about what her daughters should learn, she held the ultimate power on which instrument they should play. On the other hand, Western parents will never agree with such enforcement. They think that children should have the freedom to select what they like and blossom through their personal interest. 

However, Amy did come to a transitional period when she was having too many clashes with her second daughter, Lulu (real name Louisa). She came to realize that forcing wasn't the only resort to making her daughters successful. Probably I am yet to be a mother hence I couldn't feel Amy as deeply as some mothers could. But I do admire her perseverance and determination to shower her daughters with such a love - through hard and difficult ways - she didn't even mind if her daughters hated her, she just wanted the best for them. 

This book also reflects the extent that mothers would sacrifice for their children's goodness and future. It somehow strikes me that Amy isn't actually an extraordinary mother - she just did what she thought was best for her children and every mother lives by this rule. 

Ratings: 4.3/5

My Reading Hobby

God knows how I've gotten into the hobby of reading - it just seems to be in my genes, probably inherited it from my dad. I started to love reading since I was 7 and I remember my father's friend who felt amazed by my hobby, gave me two books as a present. I was more than delighted to receive them. 

I became to like reading more as I grew up (that's how I spoiled my eyesight and I had to wear a spectacles when I was only 8). I used to read Malay books during my primary days as I was in a Malay school and English did not seem that appealing to me at that time. But when I adjourned to secondary school, I began to see the importance of English and I stopped reading Malay books. 

I loved reading to the extent that I saved up my school allowance given to me by my mom to buy books. I even requested that my parents give me books for my birthdays. I think I have a sense of possession towards books that I don't fancy borrowing books from the library or friends. I insist on having them by myself. 

I didn't really have any favourite authors until I stumbled upon Nicholas Sparks and Jodi Picoult. However, during my university days, I saw that fiction books were merely man-made stories and I should learn to read TRUE stories that would elevate my wisdom and knowledge hence I turned to non-fictions. Surprisingly, I love non-fiction books more as they seem so surreal like I'm literally in their shoes, experiencing and feeling what they went through. 

Now, I read anything that captures my interest. I do not bound myself to anything and would love to cross the comfort zone boundary. If anyone would ask me what's so good about reading, I would say it's the solitude and imaginative world that keeps me going. Reading is the time when I'm truly alone - others will never know what's running through my head. 

Of course reading has many other benefits. Another major advantage I've acquired through reading is my English skills. I didn't have good English back then - I couldn't even write a grammatically correct sentence. Through years of reading and effort to improve my English (I had a self-written dictionary for every word I didn't know and when I read, I observe how people write), I managed to be who I am today. 

What I bought today - the one in the middle is a birthday gift for my student

Nevertheless, my mom donated ALL of my and my dad's books early this year with the excuse of taking up too much space in my house. It's not that my house is so occupied but she just has this habit of getting rid of old stuffs. I was really upset but after years of stopping her, I finally gave in. BUT I'm going to start buying again and this time I'd never allow her to donate/throw/give away any of my books. I'm going to bring them over to my own house when I get married in the future. HAHA!

Chinese New Year 2014 (Part 1)

It's the time of the year again! Chinese New Year has always been one of my favourite moments of the year. Not for the ang paos but for the vibe and environment as well as the quality time to spend with my family, friends and relatives. 

So CNY eve was the day for Reunion Dinner and after that, it was ang pao time!

I decided to wear green on the first day of CNY as it is deemed to be lucky colour for the Chinese Zodiac Dragon :)

Clovis and I 

With my younger sis, Elaine

I continued day 2 with a gray dress and simple look. Visiting resumed. 

We decided to do something challenging on Day 3 by conquering Broga Hill! 

My parents were so proud to reach the peak 

Faces of sweat 

Being greeted by the sun rise was probably the best thing upon climbing the hill. 

My family

After that I went over to meet my boyfriend and spent the two days with him and his friends. 

 Day 4 at Kingsley's house

My friends came over to my house on the night of Day 4 and they had a surprise belated birthday celebration for Yee Ling and I. 

Yee Ling shares the same birth date with me and we have been best friends for almost 8 years! 

Great CNY so far and I hope things would continue to grow better! All the best everyone!

AWESOME Things in 2014 #3

Awesome things in 2014 #2 was my birthday so yes, this is #3!

What is it?

It is me and my boyfriend's FIRST year anniversary! <3

Our first picture together

I think probably time has been moving on a rocket speed, it's been 356 days since "we" decided to hold hands! HAHAHA *shows tongue*

I am definitely more than glad to have met you and gone through the first year with you. I can't literally pen down every memory that we created but we certainly had more happier than sad times together. 

We have so many things in common (you and I know what they are) but yet we have certain distinct characteristics that make us unique the way we are. And I am grateful that we appreciate each other's good and weak points and help one another to develop greater personality to be a better person. 

I just wanna say thank you for being there for me through good and bad times. Thank you for showing me what I'm really capable of doing, for making me see hopes beyond my sight and bringing out the better side of me I didn't even know I had. I hope we could continue this journey for as long as we wish. 

Happy First Anniversary and many more to come! :)

During our Melaka trip

Simple DIY Chinese New Year Cards

I've always had a thing for DIY stuff but never really had the opportunity to learn and explore. This year when I was thinking of a special way to give my parents CNY ang pau, I thought why not I make a card and have the ang pau in it? 

I didn't want to just give an ordinary ang pau like the money in it is what matters the most. It sounds so insincere to me and I want to surprise my parents with something very unique. 

But I felt a little unfair to only make cards for my parents and ended up making for my whole family and my boyfriend. 

I'll explain the simple steps to make these cards. I searched on the internet for CNY 2014 logos (those without watermark) and printed them out. Then I typed the Chinese wishes (I put them in Chinese to create a more Chinese-y feel although I'm a banana) and printed them out too. Look up in the internet if you can't type. 

The boyfriend version

Then I cut them out in tiny pieces and pasted them on the cards. You can arrange them in any way you like. Include additional stuffs such as pictures or any memorable/cute/funny items in it. 

The daddy version

I added something extra for my parents' version. It's like an envelope for me to place money in it. So that's the ang pau section. 

I made a total of five cards for my parents, boyfriend, elder sister (with my brother in law and nephew, Clovis) and my younger (with her boyfriend). I just gave them the cards today and my mom is super happy! She said she felt so touched because it's very special and all my hard work paid off! 

Sometimes it isn't about how much money you spend for your parents but rather the tiny little things that you do for them which make them feel joyful. A small token of appreciation can really lighten up your parents' life! 

Try to squeeze your creative juices and make one yourself today! :)

Rich Kids' Tantrums

Okay, so I'm blogging about my spoilt student for the second time and this probably won't be the last. But I think I really need to share this as this associates so closely to my teaching philosophy (yes, I have some) and the entire education system. Since he's studying in an international school (won't mention which), I can't put the blame on the Malaysian edu system which I always do so yeah, it's generally the whole system. 

Speaking of my title, you might think I'm generalizing what occurred to my student to every rich kid out there but trust me, the story is almost always similar, in one way or another. 

So what happened was my student was throwing tantrums when I arrived with him constantly whining about his mother. These are among the things he lamented:

"I'm not going to listen to her anymore, forever!"

"She always say NO, NO, NO, NO to me whenever I ask for something so now I'm saying the same to her!"

"I'm not going for any tuition, school or whatever!"

I was literally blurred but wasn't at all surprised as this wasn't his first time complaining about his mother. I don't know much about parenting but you judge yourself after you finish the entire story. 

I later found out that him throwing his tantrums because his school allows Year 5 students to bring mobile phones to school and according to him, ALL of his classmates are bringing phones to school EXCEPT him. His mother said no to him so yeah, typical child is probably jealous of his classmates. 

As a teacher and a part of society, I have always stood firm that students shouldn't be allowed to bring phones to school. To me it brings more adversities than doing good to them. You're in school to study and have fun, I don't see the significance of having a phone. 

I agree with his mother to not allow him to bring a mobile phone to school but as my class went on, my student revealed more things to me which made me pondered if his parents' parenting style could have been wrong in certain ways. Among the things he told me were:

1. His parents promised him that they would buy him a phone when he turns 10. He's turning 10 next month so it's almost time they fulfil their promise. He said his parents have never really done what they said. BUT why make promises to a kid? 

2. Several times when his mother was angered, she said "You're not my son!" to him. I can't comment much but I think disregard of how outraged a mother is, such words shouldn't be coming out from a mom to a son. 

3. He said there was once when they went shopping and his mother bought two pairs of shoes for his sister yet never bothered to ask about him. Another jealousy case but it's something very common. I had such jealousy towards my siblings too so I totally understand. 

4. He kept saying that his parents never cared or loved him. This is what children normally say when they don't get what they want from parents or when parents do not pay sufficient attention to them. 

Kids nowadays are so smart and crafty I think parents really need to be on par with them to be able to handle their emotions and needs. This boils down to the saying that it isn't easy being a parent. I have never had the skills to deal with young children but I'm definitely learning to ensure I would be able to at least develop good bonding and communicate well with my kids in the future.