How My Boyfriend Made Me a Better Person

Upon reading Timothy Tiah's blog on the ways his wife made him a better person, I became inspired to write about mine too. I actually wanted to write something similar long ago but didn't manage to take initiative to do so. 

I guess it makes a person wanting to share how his/her partner makes him/her a better person only when it's really true. But I beg to differ something Timothy mentioned. He said most of the time, a partner is going to bring upon positive changes to you. To me, only the right partner does because if you're being with a bad/wrong one, he/she will never make you a better person. Well, this is according to my own experiences. 

First of all, let me briefly introduce my partner, Kingsley and I. 

I am not going to reveal much here but I have to say he's not only my boyfriend, he's also my soulmate, work partner, best friend and almost like a family!

So how have I positively changed since I met him?

1. I did things I never knew I could

Somehow he managed to trigger all the buttons in me to perform, strive and achieve things I didn't know I could. He told me to start a blog, he encouraged me to do three things at once (study, blog, tutoring) and recently, he urged me to get a camera. He always tells me how I should have more confidence, more adamant and more ambitious. 

2. I learned photography from him

Two years ago, if you told/ask me anything about photography, I'd give you a blank stare or simply shun you off. But now, I can roughly interact with anyone about photography. Well, not too technical or sophisticated but at least I am now passionate to learn and improve. I didn't think taking photos mean so much hard work but now I fathom why. 

3. I learned to watch American Series

To me, this is a positive change. Despite being a banana (meaning, Chinese illiterate), I used to have strong Chinese-y attributes in me. I loved Chinese songs and I mostly watched Chinese dramas (Hong Kong and Taiwan). But Kingsley is an avid fan of American Series and on average, he has 30 series to watch every week! So God knows how he talked me into watching Prison Break and snapped, I began loving the American style and now I'm hooked onto a few series myself, namely Suits, The 100, Arrow, Under The Dome and recently I started Breaking Bad (I'm slow I know). So come talk to me about these series! But not Game of Thrones please (God knows why I just don't fancy it). 

4. I learned to eat and be really picky about food

The me before meeting him was extremely "cincai" when it came to food. I was so not picky about food to the extent that food was merely something to keep my stomach filled and an energy source. Don't take me wrong, I have a dad who brings me around for good food but I wouldn't have high expectations. Now, I have learned to savour, appreciate, comment and even criticise. But of course, I am still less fastidious than him in this aspect. I can accept eating anything mediocre as long as it's within my acceptable taste boundary. 

5. I have learned to love, tolerate and be in a relationship

I am one who doesn't like being in a wrong relationship so whenever I sense something not right, I would choose to leave. I have this belief that being alone is better than being with a wrong partner. But I can confess Kingsley is the right one. Half of him is just like half of me, if you get what I mean. We're similar in many many ways and probably this is the reason why we can get along very well. But as days passed, we realized we do have differences and thankfully, we have strong mutual appreciation. 

Why do I say I have learned to be in a relationship? Frankly speaking, I used to doubt myself whenever I was with my ex-es but now, I am totally in the relationship without doubts. I don't worry about whether I should leave him or if I am wasting my time or anxious about our future. 

I feel this is incredibly important because if you do not enjoy being in the relationship, it also implies you are not being yourself and why are you still clinging onto the wrong partner?

So yeah, for now I have five strong points to say how he has helped me become a better person. I hope he feels the same way! :)

Adults are ALWAYS RIGHT

I seem to discover and discuss so much about parenting nowadays - my student and a book about parenting. Very likely it's due to the age growth and I may become a parent some time in the near future (near future implies years for me, haha). 

Out a of a random thought, I came to ponder about the saying "adults are always right". It may be true to a certain extent but despite most parents being aware that this saying could be wrong, they insist to enforce their authority on children because they are the parents. They are the financial, shelter and protection provider. 

When I was young, each time I felt my parent(s) was wrong, I couldn't muster the guts to rebel. I felt so powerless and the only thing I could do was comply and obey. But now when I'm already an adult (i know i'm always a baby in their eyes), my parents are the same - they still impose their authority unto me by thinking they are always right. 

The other day when I was speaking in the phone, my dad was telling me things when he clearly knew I was talking with the other party over the phone. I got annoyed and said, "Can't you see I am talking in the phone and why are you still telling me things? I can't even hear anything!". Instead of stopping, he snapped me back, "Do important things first, your talking in the phone isn't important at all!". BUT the issue here isn't about the importance of the call, it was about the fundamental respect that he should have for me. IF he were the one in the phone and I mumble next to him, I can never imagine how angry he could have got. YET I can never have my temper burst out to him because he's my dad and he deserves all my respect? 

Well, I ain't whining about my dad but this is the closest example that I can think of right now. Is it a right thing to do for parents to use or sometimes misuse their parental authority on children? In fact, some parents (including mine) are so ego they wouldn't ever apologize if they have done anything wrong. I am thinking it could be the culture problem where parents were raised in such a way thus they are subconsciously imposing the same method on their children. 

But I think such an act would bring about negative impact on children. In school, the elderly people that kids encounter are teachers and with what they practise at home, they might also think teachers are always right (which is certainly not) and fear to rebel or stand up for themselves. What if a male teacher sexually harrasses a female student and because she thinks teachers are always right, she silences herself?

Children should be raised and taught to have their own mindset, to learn and distinguish right from wrong by themselves. They will NOT understand if something is good or bad just by listening to what their parents say. So instead of being harsh and asking children to just "listen and obey", parents should "tell and explain why". If you cannot figure out an explanation, look for an answer (not any crappy ones but logical, sensible reasons) to convince your kids! 

My Relationship Tips #1

Can't believe I'm actually writing about being in a relationship tips. Don't get me wrong, I ain't any expert but the things that I'm going to highlight are just my two cents, mostly learned through experience. I have been in relationships, some good some bad. My current relationship with Kingsley is so far the best, I would say. I'll separate all the tips into several posts as I intend to go into minute details as well. 

The first thing couples need to learn is to COMMUNICATE. 

To me the most important element in a relationship is to communicate. Communicate doesn't mean merely talking to each other but it means letting your partner knows how you feel to enhance mutual understanding. But there are ways to communicate - you need to take into consideration the tone, words, and when to communicate. 

WHEN? For my boyfriend and I, we stick to the rule of communicating every day, even if we do not meet one another. Meaning, we should at least talk once a day and we wish each other "Good morning" and "Good night" every single day, even when we're seeing each other. I don't know how we have got accustomed to this habit. Do not forgo the need of talking - texting your partner by just wishing him/her a good day would really brighten up his/her day. 

WHAT? Communication isn't easy, especially when you do not know what to talk to your partner. But I feel if both of you were to become a couple, it is natural that you have endless of topics to share and discuss. BUT do not assume your partner is a psychological listener and you whine and complain everything to him/her. Complaining is the worst type of communication you should do - it simply means you are very negative and you're trying to emit all negativities to your partner which is very bad. You can share a little about your problems (probably a little into finding solutions) then go on to the good ones - you do not have a partner just to burden them with your problems. Jokes and teases (don't overly tease) are among the best things to share because it creates laughter and laughing together makes great moments and memories. 

TONE? Always maintain at a calm and carefree tone. If you could remain easygoing, especially when you think an argument is about to strike (for instance, during a heated discussion/debate), you would do yourself good by avoiding a potential fight. This is something I really like about my boyfriend, each time I thought he was about to get angry, he hit a joke and laughed himself which made me laughed too and we got away from arguing. DO NOT ever shout or increase your voice because that's when your partner thinks you're in for a fight. If you're really angry, keep silent and calm down before telling your partner about it then find ways to compromise. 

WHAT IF AN ARGUMENT HAS STRUCK? If you already happen to be in an argument and both of you are really angered or upset, don't mind being the first to speak up - it doesn't mean you're a loser, it simply implies you have better control over your emotions. This is the best time to explain (in a soft and respectful manner) to your partner about how you feel (your problems, what you find annoying, etc.). BUT do not interrupt (by counter-attacking) what your partner says and DO NOT attempt to win the debate - blocking what your partner has to say will only deteriorates the argument. LISTEN AND THINK. 

Most couples forgo minute things when they get comfortable with one another. For instance, people do not usually say "thank you" anymore to their partners after going through the so-called "stable" stage. Some might think partners should know and understand their appreciation and some would say "Aiya we understand each other so there is no need for thank you". To me, you say "thank you" to strangers and friends then why not to family or partner? It is the simplest token of appreciation, apart from other major things that you could do. 

Tell your partners how you truly feel about them, especially if it's something good. Let them know they look beautiful or if they have done something really well, be generous with praises. At times, even if you do not think they are good, assume that you're saying for the sake of saying. But it's so much better if you're really being honest and sincere. Praises are not meant to be traded (some people say it when they want to demand/request something) - they should also be a form of appreciation and a good relationship builder. 

All in all, always remember to say good things instead of bad. Everyone loves listening to sweet words and be around joyful emotions - it creates positivity that would make your relationship so much better. 

My Reading Hobby

God knows how I've gotten into the hobby of reading - it just seems to be in my genes, probably inherited it from my dad. I started to love reading since I was 7 and I remember my father's friend who felt amazed by my hobby, gave me two books as a present. I was more than delighted to receive them. 

I became to like reading more as I grew up (that's how I spoiled my eyesight and I had to wear a spectacles when I was only 8). I used to read Malay books during my primary days as I was in a Malay school and English did not seem that appealing to me at that time. But when I adjourned to secondary school, I began to see the importance of English and I stopped reading Malay books. 

I loved reading to the extent that I saved up my school allowance given to me by my mom to buy books. I even requested that my parents give me books for my birthdays. I think I have a sense of possession towards books that I don't fancy borrowing books from the library or friends. I insist on having them by myself. 

I didn't really have any favourite authors until I stumbled upon Nicholas Sparks and Jodi Picoult. However, during my university days, I saw that fiction books were merely man-made stories and I should learn to read TRUE stories that would elevate my wisdom and knowledge hence I turned to non-fictions. Surprisingly, I love non-fiction books more as they seem so surreal like I'm literally in their shoes, experiencing and feeling what they went through. 

Now, I read anything that captures my interest. I do not bound myself to anything and would love to cross the comfort zone boundary. If anyone would ask me what's so good about reading, I would say it's the solitude and imaginative world that keeps me going. Reading is the time when I'm truly alone - others will never know what's running through my head. 

Of course reading has many other benefits. Another major advantage I've acquired through reading is my English skills. I didn't have good English back then - I couldn't even write a grammatically correct sentence. Through years of reading and effort to improve my English (I had a self-written dictionary for every word I didn't know and when I read, I observe how people write), I managed to be who I am today. 

What I bought today - the one in the middle is a birthday gift for my student

Nevertheless, my mom donated ALL of my and my dad's books early this year with the excuse of taking up too much space in my house. It's not that my house is so occupied but she just has this habit of getting rid of old stuffs. I was really upset but after years of stopping her, I finally gave in. BUT I'm going to start buying again and this time I'd never allow her to donate/throw/give away any of my books. I'm going to bring them over to my own house when I get married in the future. HAHA!

AWESOME Things in 2014 #3

Awesome things in 2014 #2 was my birthday so yes, this is #3!

What is it?

It is me and my boyfriend's FIRST year anniversary! <3

Our first picture together

I think probably time has been moving on a rocket speed, it's been 356 days since "we" decided to hold hands! HAHAHA *shows tongue*

I am definitely more than glad to have met you and gone through the first year with you. I can't literally pen down every memory that we created but we certainly had more happier than sad times together. 

We have so many things in common (you and I know what they are) but yet we have certain distinct characteristics that make us unique the way we are. And I am grateful that we appreciate each other's good and weak points and help one another to develop greater personality to be a better person. 

I just wanna say thank you for being there for me through good and bad times. Thank you for showing me what I'm really capable of doing, for making me see hopes beyond my sight and bringing out the better side of me I didn't even know I had. I hope we could continue this journey for as long as we wish. 

Happy First Anniversary and many more to come! :)

During our Melaka trip

Rich Kids' Tantrums

Okay, so I'm blogging about my spoilt student for the second time and this probably won't be the last. But I think I really need to share this as this associates so closely to my teaching philosophy (yes, I have some) and the entire education system. Since he's studying in an international school (won't mention which), I can't put the blame on the Malaysian edu system which I always do so yeah, it's generally the whole system. 

Speaking of my title, you might think I'm generalizing what occurred to my student to every rich kid out there but trust me, the story is almost always similar, in one way or another. 

So what happened was my student was throwing tantrums when I arrived with him constantly whining about his mother. These are among the things he lamented:

"I'm not going to listen to her anymore, forever!"

"She always say NO, NO, NO, NO to me whenever I ask for something so now I'm saying the same to her!"

"I'm not going for any tuition, school or whatever!"

I was literally blurred but wasn't at all surprised as this wasn't his first time complaining about his mother. I don't know much about parenting but you judge yourself after you finish the entire story. 

I later found out that him throwing his tantrums because his school allows Year 5 students to bring mobile phones to school and according to him, ALL of his classmates are bringing phones to school EXCEPT him. His mother said no to him so yeah, typical child is probably jealous of his classmates. 

As a teacher and a part of society, I have always stood firm that students shouldn't be allowed to bring phones to school. To me it brings more adversities than doing good to them. You're in school to study and have fun, I don't see the significance of having a phone. 

I agree with his mother to not allow him to bring a mobile phone to school but as my class went on, my student revealed more things to me which made me pondered if his parents' parenting style could have been wrong in certain ways. Among the things he told me were:

1. His parents promised him that they would buy him a phone when he turns 10. He's turning 10 next month so it's almost time they fulfil their promise. He said his parents have never really done what they said. BUT why make promises to a kid? 

2. Several times when his mother was angered, she said "You're not my son!" to him. I can't comment much but I think disregard of how outraged a mother is, such words shouldn't be coming out from a mom to a son. 

3. He said there was once when they went shopping and his mother bought two pairs of shoes for his sister yet never bothered to ask about him. Another jealousy case but it's something very common. I had such jealousy towards my siblings too so I totally understand. 

4. He kept saying that his parents never cared or loved him. This is what children normally say when they don't get what they want from parents or when parents do not pay sufficient attention to them. 

Kids nowadays are so smart and crafty I think parents really need to be on par with them to be able to handle their emotions and needs. This boils down to the saying that it isn't easy being a parent. I have never had the skills to deal with young children but I'm definitely learning to ensure I would be able to at least develop good bonding and communicate well with my kids in the future. 

Happy Birthday to ME: Crossing the Quarter-Century Border!

Time really flies. It is only a matter of days until I undergo my 25th birthday. Oh well, some people are so afraid of aging and the fear inevitably kicks in. For me, I do have such anxiety but only to a mild extent as I do enjoy and look forward to growing up (yes, I think I am still growing up). The elevation in age makes me feel like I am really developing in everything - maturity, wisdom, wealth, and intelligence. 

25 isn't a tender age but a progressing interval - it is when people strive for their career or some might even have achieved some establishments. Reminiscing my 25 years of life, I enlisted several items that I have proudly grasped them under my belt. They could be mere achievements to you but they indeed mean something to me. 

1. I bought my FIRST brand new car with only very minimal financial assistance from my parents! 

2. I graduated my degree with FIRST CLASS HONORS and officially became a TEACHER! Nothing extraordinary but I am still proud - it is what I reaped after sowing ample of hard work, nonetheless! 

3. I embarked on the PhD journey skipping the Masters! (Okay, nothing to be proud of but I am because not everyone has the golden opportunity to do so. BUT I wish I could nail something greater by completing it!)

4. I have become financially independent even when I was still a university student! I had stopped receiving monetary assistance from my parents ever since I began working part time during my third year of studies as a degree student. With the revenue from being a part-time tutor, I was able to support myself hence I didn't seek for money from my parents anymore. 

5. I set up a FOOD BLOG with my boyfriend, Kingsley! I have always loved writing but I didn't have a platform for me to do. JK drooling has become a part of my life and I am looking forward to establish it to a greater level. 

6. I have become so much more outgoing and cheerful! Yea, I used to be a cry baby - I cry over almost everything. But now I am so bubbly and talkative! I don't get upset longer than a few minutes I think. Haha!

7. I have learned to love deeply madly and most importantly truly! I discovered so much about two souls' compatibility and understood why two persons can never be together. But now, I feel I am being with the right one and hope to have it till the end!

8. I am now in my 4th year SPONSORING a child in Vietnam! (via World Vision - you should too!)

9. I set up an ONLINE BOUTIQUE! Will blog about why I had it started soon. But as of now, it still isn't very established but I really wish to develop it into a real business.

I hope to achieve greater things in the coming years, hopefully something I would live on feeling proud of it. I wish to be able to attain financial stability to fulfil my dreams! 

Last but not least, HAPPY BIRTHDAY to myself! 

Why teaching rich kids could be an appalling endeavour?

While most private tutors would love to teach kids whose parents are willing to spend exorbitantly on tutoring fees to ensure their offsprings receive very personal and exclusive tutoring services, it isn't always the "bed of roses" situation that happens. Well, yeah, pros and cons. So here's what I encountered and will very likely continue to face until I call it quit. 

I have this student who is studying in a primary international school. He comes from an affluent family and due to his declining academic results, his father sought a personal tutor with hopes that he or she would assist him in his daily homework and help him improve his results. It's either destiny or by chance, I stumbled upon this student and I agreed to be his home tutor. 

My student is a playful boy with intermittent daydreams. He is weak in Mathematics, lazy, and easily distracted. But all in all, he is a good and obedient kid who always respects me. I don't have any major problems teaching him. 

BUT I have problems dealing with his parents. Probably his dad thinks he is paying me higher than what the market has to offer (but I charge higher because his house is quite a distance from mine), he tends to be rather harsh on me. 

There was once when I went to his house but my student wasn't in. His maid told me his mother brought him out to the doctor so I thought alright, I'll just wait for him. After half an hour, I called his mother several times but there was no answer. And I ended up waiting for ONE hour and he was nowhere to be seen. Another 30 minutes passed before his mother brought him back. My student complained that he was too tired to attend class and I too had an appointment later so I left without teaching. I was somewhat angered and I texted his father that I would have to charge him an hour for me travelling there and not teaching. Let me get this right - I have made prior confirmation with his mother before going and it was certainly her fault for not informing me earlier about her bringing his son out.  

I don't know if he didn't check his texts or he chose to ignore what I said because he was abroad at that time. 

And that happened again a few days later so it became TWICE that I wasted my time there stupidly. 

So... when I passed him the bill at the end of the month, he got all outraged that I am charging him. I AM DOING IT TO PROTECT MYSELF. I cannot afford going there and waiting for an hour and ended up not teaching. MY TIME IS AS PRECIOUS AS YOURS. He even reprimanded me for not confirming the time with his wife WTF. Your wife forgotten the time and it's my fault?? He got onto his temper and yeah I did get frightened. Even after his wife explained to him, he still felt he didn't deserve to pay me. 

The second incident happened today when I was waiting for my student's parents to confirm the time that I should go with me. I actually requested for the class to be earlier but his mother told me it would be rushing for them to fetch my student back from his granny's. So I went out and thought it would definitely be late before they tell me. When I thought that I might not be able to make it and told them to cancel, his mother said they would be arriving home soon. But I told her I was still outside and preferred to have it deferred. She agreed and we arranged for another time. I thought everything was fine until .... moments later, my student's father called and yelled at me by saying they purposely rushed home earlier so that I could go. Do I even deserve such harsh manners? Like seriously. 

I didn't even get angry when they informed me last minute about cancelling the class or yelled at them for wasting my time! I guess I should develop greater skills to counter him the next time he uses sharp verbal words on me again. 

AWESOME Things in 2014 #1

Happy Birthday Mr.Kingsley Tan KF! 

I was looking forward to January and February 2014 because plenty of good things are going to happen. First and foremost, I'm posting this early because I would be out celebrating with you tomorrow. Happy Birthday in advance and many happy returns of the day! I hope you will prosper in your current job and achieve what you wished for! And most importantly, you know you'll my support in whatever you do. All the best and love you! <3 

The Postgraduate Dilemma

Most people have been so intrigued upon knowing that I'm currently taking up the PhD program. They absolutely and sincerely feel happy for me and in fact, additionally lamented about all the advantages of me studying (you're still young, you have such an opportunity, you can have brighter future, bla bla bla). 

There was also a couple of them who seemed intimidated with the idea of pursuing such a high level of education with thoughts that working or venturing into business is the better idea to live in the world of monetary. 

It's not uncommon that majority of them could see the conspicuous and manifested all the good points to me and while I do agree with them, deep inside me I have plenty of hidden dilemmas (my body cells seem to be raising their hands objecting to all the damage I'm inflicting on them). 

Difference is that I know what I'm going through - the struggles, the headaches (yea, it's slowly ruining my brain and maybe health), the anxiety and worries. 

Some people say it's not that difficult but if it wasn't, why were there so many dropouts in postgraduate program? Oh yeah, those were people who have less determination, who weren't positive enough and couldn't persevere through. And I shouldn't trail behind their steps and I should believe in myself that I can do it. Well, I want to complete my studies more than anyone else but the adversities of the study is taking their toll on me -  my spiritual, emotional and physical well-being. 

And sometimes I think to myself, what if there were better options apart from PhD? What if PhD just isn't for me? What if there were other routes to better success that I could pursue? What if...

Even if everyone pointed out the good to me, it is only me and myself who understands what I'm going through. Nobody else would be able to fathom how it feels in my shoes, not even you. 

I don't know if I had the courage to give up but I'm obviously compelling myself from doing so in hopes that I could find the light again and get back on track. In my journey thus far, I learned a lesson nonetheless, a life lesson probably and quite a vital one - NOT to share your problems with judgmental people. Good luck to myself! 

Changes I see in Myself

I used to be an inferior young girl with little or no confidence in what I did. In fact, I was always doubtful, fearful and feeling envious of others' achievements. I remember my teacher complaining to my mother when she went to school to collect my academic progress report that I had been so quiet in class. The only person I talked to was my closest friend sitting next to me and the thing that kept us occupied was homework and more homework (self-given). 

Even after I adjourned to my secondary stage of life, I still didn't manage to pick up the skills of building up my self-confidence. People around me were obviously doing one or few steps ahead of me, in terms of academic results, personality, and et cetera. I was still heavily shrouded with fear and low self-esteem. 

But as I grow more into puberty, I learned that I couldn't afford to remain as who I was. Even at such a tender age, I saw the need to develop and grow stronger. Thanks to my parents too, they made me realized the importance of self-protection and I saw the risk and danger of being too timid. 

Slowly and eventually, I began injecting forces into my mind for changes. Along with some environmental assistance such as studying in the university, taking up tuition classes, mingling with friends and igniting my inner motivation, I managed to develop my self-confidence and suppressed the intensity of inferiority in me to its lowest. 

People say society itself teaches more than the university and I believe this is very true. I gained the utmost values and lessons after venturing into work, albeit being just a part-time tutor. It enhances my maturity, widens my wisdom and more importantly, I have learned to be more confident, positive and cheerful.