SPM

Exactly eight years ago, I was as nervous, anxious and worried as the SPM candidates of 2013 who will be collecting their SPM results tomorrow. Back then, I was profoundly influenced by my peers and teachers that SPM is almost the biggest deal on earth - I couldn't afford to fail it. In fact, getting a C for me would cause me an almost-dying effect. Yes, I was that "kiasu" (scared to lose) in academics. 

I still remember prior to that "date", I had dreams about getting my results. I can recall that there were two dreams; in one of it, I was showing my very perfect (10As) results to my belated grandmother who passed away a year plus before I sat for my SPM and she was extremely happy. Another dream happened that my SPM results were only mediocre (5As I guess). 

I didn't dare to aim high as I was a very timid girl and I feared disappointment very much so I'd rather aim for something lower and feel happier for it. I told my friends who were eager to obtain straight A1s that it would never be my goal to have straight As, let alone straight A1s (now A+). My confidence in several subjects (History, especially!) was so low I was afraid they might turn out to be a disappointing C. 

When the judgement day finally arrived, I let go all of my emotions and went to the teacher with an open heart. I told myself that I have decided to accept whatever the results might be and I was ultimately prepared to fail my History because I only answered less than half of the subjective questions. 

I got straight As. Yes, all As - 7A1s and 3A2s (History, Biology and EST).

Wow, I was extremely dumbfounded but joyful at the same time - it was like a miracle falling from the sky. It was way beyond my expectations and I felt like I am one of the smartest in the world (hyperbole, haha!). 

But the exuberance didn't last any more than a mere several days. Yes, my family was proud of me and everyone who knew about it congratulated me. Yet nothing beyond that. 

With such results, I couldn't even nail a scholarship to study anything prestigious. My aim was to take up a pharmacy course but even people with straight A1s couldn't get a scholarship, let alone my results. I wasn't really disappointed but I envied my friend who was of a difference race with slightly lower results yet she received offers that I would never get. I couldn't even enter Matriculation! Yeah, people rumoured that matriculation is only meant for Bumiputras or non-Bumis who are living in outskirts. WTF

And so I went to Form 6 (STPM) like some of my friends and SPM results didn't matter anymore. Nobody asked what my results were and nobody gave a damn. 

Even until today, having people questioning me about my SPM results is a very rare occurrence. 10As on the SPM certificate is just as plain as a piece of paper. In fact, a blood donation certification seems more valuable than that. Like most people agree, SPM standards are so low anyone could get an A. 

Some people say SPM is a transition period - the results are vital for scholarships and tertiary education opportunities. Yes, they are but only if your results are damn good. Perfect A+s I mean. Or to students whose results do not revolve around As but the number of passes then yeah, you need a minimum number of passes to qualify an enrollment in a college. And of course, only a pass in BM (and now History as well) will enable you to obtain your SPM certificate, which in time, you would either hide it somewhere unknown or lose it. 

What I'm trying to convey here is, academic results are simply nothing. It doesn't reflect who you are and it doesn't determine who or what you will become. Good results might bring you some privilege educational opportunities others may never qualify but at the end of the day, your results won't deliver success to you because you decide on your life, actions, efforts and paths. 

Still, all the best SPM 2013 candidates! 

Some of whom are my ex-students. Be happy or sad ... just for a while.