The Postgraduate Dilemma

Most people have been so intrigued upon knowing that I'm currently taking up the PhD program. They absolutely and sincerely feel happy for me and in fact, additionally lamented about all the advantages of me studying (you're still young, you have such an opportunity, you can have brighter future, bla bla bla). 

There was also a couple of them who seemed intimidated with the idea of pursuing such a high level of education with thoughts that working or venturing into business is the better idea to live in the world of monetary. 

It's not uncommon that majority of them could see the conspicuous and manifested all the good points to me and while I do agree with them, deep inside me I have plenty of hidden dilemmas (my body cells seem to be raising their hands objecting to all the damage I'm inflicting on them). 

Difference is that I know what I'm going through - the struggles, the headaches (yea, it's slowly ruining my brain and maybe health), the anxiety and worries. 

Some people say it's not that difficult but if it wasn't, why were there so many dropouts in postgraduate program? Oh yeah, those were people who have less determination, who weren't positive enough and couldn't persevere through. And I shouldn't trail behind their steps and I should believe in myself that I can do it. Well, I want to complete my studies more than anyone else but the adversities of the study is taking their toll on me -  my spiritual, emotional and physical well-being. 

And sometimes I think to myself, what if there were better options apart from PhD? What if PhD just isn't for me? What if there were other routes to better success that I could pursue? What if...

Even if everyone pointed out the good to me, it is only me and myself who understands what I'm going through. Nobody else would be able to fathom how it feels in my shoes, not even you. 

I don't know if I had the courage to give up but I'm obviously compelling myself from doing so in hopes that I could find the light again and get back on track. In my journey thus far, I learned a lesson nonetheless, a life lesson probably and quite a vital one - NOT to share your problems with judgmental people. Good luck to myself!