My View of Valentine's Day

Time passes so quickly that without realizing, Valentine's is just the day after today. Well, I stumbled upon Janechuck's blog post about celebrating Valentine's Day and for the first time, I agree with her. haha! Yeah, I am not really fond of her but after reading this post, I might (MIGHT) change my perspective towards her. 

Speaking of Valentine's Day, as niche as it may sound, I truly believe that everyday is a Valentine's Day if a couple is happy enough being together. Of course, why would a couple only be good and sweet and romantic to each other on a very particular day in a year when they could do so the entire 365 days? 

I think the best and sweetest Valentine's celebration is a simple dinner (better if self-cooked, otherwise a normal restaurant is more than enough), followed by the couple cuddling to watch a romantic or their favourite movie together. There is definitely no need to spend on posh meals (candlelight dinner?), overrated and overpriced flowers (that would eventually die), and other lovey dovey gifts. BUT if your gift is a handmade card, then it's perfectly awesome. I always look up more upon sincerity than monetary. 

You might think that I am too self-conscious about money but I confess that I really am. What I feel is, if a couple were serious about being together in a long-lasting relationship, they should be money conscious, considering the inflation that is occurring right now. I prefer to save for a better and more realistic future. 

Some people might say, Valentine's is a good excuse for boyfriends/husbands to pamper their spouses but you don't really need an occasion to pamper your girlfriends/wives, do you? 

And Jane is right, some people misuse Valentine's celebration as a show-off tool to compete with their girlfriends. Let me tell you, true love is never comparable, it is not measurable through materials - it is the heart that counts. It is the longevity and strength of your love that matters at the end of the day. 

Therefore, I say my man is a lucky man because I do not demand for luxurious gifts or fine dinings for the day's celebration. I even told him on the first day when we got together, "Do not waste money by buying me flowers, just bring me for a simple dinner on Valentine's Day". 

Happy Valentine's Day dear 

Thank you for being my Valentine! <3

Adults are ALWAYS RIGHT

I seem to discover and discuss so much about parenting nowadays - my student and a book about parenting. Very likely it's due to the age growth and I may become a parent some time in the near future (near future implies years for me, haha). 

Out a of a random thought, I came to ponder about the saying "adults are always right". It may be true to a certain extent but despite most parents being aware that this saying could be wrong, they insist to enforce their authority on children because they are the parents. They are the financial, shelter and protection provider. 

When I was young, each time I felt my parent(s) was wrong, I couldn't muster the guts to rebel. I felt so powerless and the only thing I could do was comply and obey. But now when I'm already an adult (i know i'm always a baby in their eyes), my parents are the same - they still impose their authority unto me by thinking they are always right. 

The other day when I was speaking in the phone, my dad was telling me things when he clearly knew I was talking with the other party over the phone. I got annoyed and said, "Can't you see I am talking in the phone and why are you still telling me things? I can't even hear anything!". Instead of stopping, he snapped me back, "Do important things first, your talking in the phone isn't important at all!". BUT the issue here isn't about the importance of the call, it was about the fundamental respect that he should have for me. IF he were the one in the phone and I mumble next to him, I can never imagine how angry he could have got. YET I can never have my temper burst out to him because he's my dad and he deserves all my respect? 

Well, I ain't whining about my dad but this is the closest example that I can think of right now. Is it a right thing to do for parents to use or sometimes misuse their parental authority on children? In fact, some parents (including mine) are so ego they wouldn't ever apologize if they have done anything wrong. I am thinking it could be the culture problem where parents were raised in such a way thus they are subconsciously imposing the same method on their children. 

But I think such an act would bring about negative impact on children. In school, the elderly people that kids encounter are teachers and with what they practise at home, they might also think teachers are always right (which is certainly not) and fear to rebel or stand up for themselves. What if a male teacher sexually harrasses a female student and because she thinks teachers are always right, she silences herself?

Children should be raised and taught to have their own mindset, to learn and distinguish right from wrong by themselves. They will NOT understand if something is good or bad just by listening to what their parents say. So instead of being harsh and asking children to just "listen and obey", parents should "tell and explain why". If you cannot figure out an explanation, look for an answer (not any crappy ones but logical, sensible reasons) to convince your kids! 

My Relationship Tips #1

Can't believe I'm actually writing about being in a relationship tips. Don't get me wrong, I ain't any expert but the things that I'm going to highlight are just my two cents, mostly learned through experience. I have been in relationships, some good some bad. My current relationship with Kingsley is so far the best, I would say. I'll separate all the tips into several posts as I intend to go into minute details as well. 

The first thing couples need to learn is to COMMUNICATE. 

To me the most important element in a relationship is to communicate. Communicate doesn't mean merely talking to each other but it means letting your partner knows how you feel to enhance mutual understanding. But there are ways to communicate - you need to take into consideration the tone, words, and when to communicate. 

WHEN? For my boyfriend and I, we stick to the rule of communicating every day, even if we do not meet one another. Meaning, we should at least talk once a day and we wish each other "Good morning" and "Good night" every single day, even when we're seeing each other. I don't know how we have got accustomed to this habit. Do not forgo the need of talking - texting your partner by just wishing him/her a good day would really brighten up his/her day. 

WHAT? Communication isn't easy, especially when you do not know what to talk to your partner. But I feel if both of you were to become a couple, it is natural that you have endless of topics to share and discuss. BUT do not assume your partner is a psychological listener and you whine and complain everything to him/her. Complaining is the worst type of communication you should do - it simply means you are very negative and you're trying to emit all negativities to your partner which is very bad. You can share a little about your problems (probably a little into finding solutions) then go on to the good ones - you do not have a partner just to burden them with your problems. Jokes and teases (don't overly tease) are among the best things to share because it creates laughter and laughing together makes great moments and memories. 

TONE? Always maintain at a calm and carefree tone. If you could remain easygoing, especially when you think an argument is about to strike (for instance, during a heated discussion/debate), you would do yourself good by avoiding a potential fight. This is something I really like about my boyfriend, each time I thought he was about to get angry, he hit a joke and laughed himself which made me laughed too and we got away from arguing. DO NOT ever shout or increase your voice because that's when your partner thinks you're in for a fight. If you're really angry, keep silent and calm down before telling your partner about it then find ways to compromise. 

WHAT IF AN ARGUMENT HAS STRUCK? If you already happen to be in an argument and both of you are really angered or upset, don't mind being the first to speak up - it doesn't mean you're a loser, it simply implies you have better control over your emotions. This is the best time to explain (in a soft and respectful manner) to your partner about how you feel (your problems, what you find annoying, etc.). BUT do not interrupt (by counter-attacking) what your partner says and DO NOT attempt to win the debate - blocking what your partner has to say will only deteriorates the argument. LISTEN AND THINK. 

Most couples forgo minute things when they get comfortable with one another. For instance, people do not usually say "thank you" anymore to their partners after going through the so-called "stable" stage. Some might think partners should know and understand their appreciation and some would say "Aiya we understand each other so there is no need for thank you". To me, you say "thank you" to strangers and friends then why not to family or partner? It is the simplest token of appreciation, apart from other major things that you could do. 

Tell your partners how you truly feel about them, especially if it's something good. Let them know they look beautiful or if they have done something really well, be generous with praises. At times, even if you do not think they are good, assume that you're saying for the sake of saying. But it's so much better if you're really being honest and sincere. Praises are not meant to be traded (some people say it when they want to demand/request something) - they should also be a form of appreciation and a good relationship builder. 

All in all, always remember to say good things instead of bad. Everyone loves listening to sweet words and be around joyful emotions - it creates positivity that would make your relationship so much better. 

Book Review: Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother

The first book I decided to read after putting my reading habit on a hiatus was Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother. This was the book I had been aiming for when my dad told me about it. He said this book caused a lot of controversies as it touches some sensitive parenting issues. Let me give you a review about it. I finished it within THREE days (one of my fastest record). 

I think people who are most well-suited to read this book are MOTHERS with kids. Amy raised her daughters the very Chinese way (or at least that's what she thinks). She thought that there is a major distinctive difference in the parenting methods between Western and Chinese parents. Among the few examples that she highlighted include:

1. Chinese parents impose high expectations on their children - it is almost an unforgivable demeanor to get A-minus in your exam. If a child ever achieves anything below an A, the only reason this could happen is because he/she did not study hard enough. Westerners are totally different - they reward their kids even when they got B. 

2. Chinese parents often decide what they think are the best for their children. In Amy's case, she wanted her girls to play music instruments and despite people giving differing opinions about what her daughters should learn, she held the ultimate power on which instrument they should play. On the other hand, Western parents will never agree with such enforcement. They think that children should have the freedom to select what they like and blossom through their personal interest. 

However, Amy did come to a transitional period when she was having too many clashes with her second daughter, Lulu (real name Louisa). She came to realize that forcing wasn't the only resort to making her daughters successful. Probably I am yet to be a mother hence I couldn't feel Amy as deeply as some mothers could. But I do admire her perseverance and determination to shower her daughters with such a love - through hard and difficult ways - she didn't even mind if her daughters hated her, she just wanted the best for them. 

This book also reflects the extent that mothers would sacrifice for their children's goodness and future. It somehow strikes me that Amy isn't actually an extraordinary mother - she just did what she thought was best for her children and every mother lives by this rule. 

Ratings: 4.3/5

My Reading Hobby

God knows how I've gotten into the hobby of reading - it just seems to be in my genes, probably inherited it from my dad. I started to love reading since I was 7 and I remember my father's friend who felt amazed by my hobby, gave me two books as a present. I was more than delighted to receive them. 

I became to like reading more as I grew up (that's how I spoiled my eyesight and I had to wear a spectacles when I was only 8). I used to read Malay books during my primary days as I was in a Malay school and English did not seem that appealing to me at that time. But when I adjourned to secondary school, I began to see the importance of English and I stopped reading Malay books. 

I loved reading to the extent that I saved up my school allowance given to me by my mom to buy books. I even requested that my parents give me books for my birthdays. I think I have a sense of possession towards books that I don't fancy borrowing books from the library or friends. I insist on having them by myself. 

I didn't really have any favourite authors until I stumbled upon Nicholas Sparks and Jodi Picoult. However, during my university days, I saw that fiction books were merely man-made stories and I should learn to read TRUE stories that would elevate my wisdom and knowledge hence I turned to non-fictions. Surprisingly, I love non-fiction books more as they seem so surreal like I'm literally in their shoes, experiencing and feeling what they went through. 

Now, I read anything that captures my interest. I do not bound myself to anything and would love to cross the comfort zone boundary. If anyone would ask me what's so good about reading, I would say it's the solitude and imaginative world that keeps me going. Reading is the time when I'm truly alone - others will never know what's running through my head. 

Of course reading has many other benefits. Another major advantage I've acquired through reading is my English skills. I didn't have good English back then - I couldn't even write a grammatically correct sentence. Through years of reading and effort to improve my English (I had a self-written dictionary for every word I didn't know and when I read, I observe how people write), I managed to be who I am today. 

What I bought today - the one in the middle is a birthday gift for my student

Nevertheless, my mom donated ALL of my and my dad's books early this year with the excuse of taking up too much space in my house. It's not that my house is so occupied but she just has this habit of getting rid of old stuffs. I was really upset but after years of stopping her, I finally gave in. BUT I'm going to start buying again and this time I'd never allow her to donate/throw/give away any of my books. I'm going to bring them over to my own house when I get married in the future. HAHA!

Chinese New Year 2014 (Part 1)

It's the time of the year again! Chinese New Year has always been one of my favourite moments of the year. Not for the ang paos but for the vibe and environment as well as the quality time to spend with my family, friends and relatives. 

So CNY eve was the day for Reunion Dinner and after that, it was ang pao time!

I decided to wear green on the first day of CNY as it is deemed to be lucky colour for the Chinese Zodiac Dragon :)

Clovis and I 

With my younger sis, Elaine

I continued day 2 with a gray dress and simple look. Visiting resumed. 

We decided to do something challenging on Day 3 by conquering Broga Hill! 

My parents were so proud to reach the peak 

Faces of sweat 

Being greeted by the sun rise was probably the best thing upon climbing the hill. 

My family

After that I went over to meet my boyfriend and spent the two days with him and his friends. 

 Day 4 at Kingsley's house

My friends came over to my house on the night of Day 4 and they had a surprise belated birthday celebration for Yee Ling and I. 

Yee Ling shares the same birth date with me and we have been best friends for almost 8 years! 

Great CNY so far and I hope things would continue to grow better! All the best everyone!